Maybe I've been in the business too long. Maybe I'm in my creative phase of my life. Though I have always drawn, acted, sang, painted, written, or something artistic. But now in my life is the time when I'm deep into it. But I feel like a robot almost. Except for the occasional person I really get to talk to, its scoop this, serve this, clean this, hand out cash, say thank you have a nice day, listen to this, stock this......Ugh! I do it cuz its money. And okay money too. But fuck me if I just don't wanna anymore! I've been working in fast food or restaurant or retail for 23 years! And nothing to show of it. My own fault mind you. But who starts saving for retirement when they're 19??? I mean really. Jeesh.
Well....I will keep plugging away. Cuz that's what I do. And btw...I'm such a good mindless drone that I am now, after a week, full time and got a raise and 2 more steps out of 6 to becoming the asst. manager! Yippee, Woohoo and stuff! *throws streamers in the and blows on her kazoo* <-------sarcastically
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Annoyed by Apathy
Volunteered through work today out at Woodland Zoo here in Seattle for the Big Brothers and Big Sisters picnic. Last year Becky and I did the Bikers for Babies rally in Kansas City! I am always broke and live paycheck to paycheck most of the time....so giving of my time feels good!
Isn't it ironic that my charitable high was ruined by going out in public!! I'm on this incredible "life is beautiful" buzz right now anyway, so I wasn't totally averted from my outlook on life.
I've just lost all faith in humanity! People are disgusting. Here we are for the kids, and the adults were the ones behaving badly. Greedy, sneaky, rude, ungrateful. And I even watched a guy act like he was putting his ticket IN the bucket to eat, slyly reach in a TAKE a few more out!!! This was a grown ass man! What kind of "Big Brother" is that? Not an example I'd want my kids around. The only saving grace was that most of the Big Brothers and Sisters we're better role models than the parents themselves!
I'm tellin ya....I hope the world changes fast. It's going to hell in a hand basket!
Isn't it ironic that my charitable high was ruined by going out in public!! I'm on this incredible "life is beautiful" buzz right now anyway, so I wasn't totally averted from my outlook on life.
I've just lost all faith in humanity! People are disgusting. Here we are for the kids, and the adults were the ones behaving badly. Greedy, sneaky, rude, ungrateful. And I even watched a guy act like he was putting his ticket IN the bucket to eat, slyly reach in a TAKE a few more out!!! This was a grown ass man! What kind of "Big Brother" is that? Not an example I'd want my kids around. The only saving grace was that most of the Big Brothers and Sisters we're better role models than the parents themselves!
I'm tellin ya....I hope the world changes fast. It's going to hell in a hand basket!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
UNDER CONSTRUCTION
Remember how, back in the day, you'd often come across websites that had big "Under Construction" banners, often with a little animated construction worker stick figure, complete with hard hat, digging a hole?
I've put on my hard hat.
My life is under construction these days. Well, I guess life is always undergoing some kind of construction or renovation, but we're talking serious foundation rebuilding here.
It's tough work, and even a hard hat would be insufficient protection from all the falling debris. Hell, I don't even have a good building plan. Right now it's mostly clearing rubble and discovering what parts of the old construction are sturdy enough to keep. And also recognizing that some parts are not sturdy at all, but are nonetheless quite lovely and worth keeping if I can apply some careful restoration. I'm just moving forward one day at a time, one step at a time, one shovelful at a time.
At some point, I know I'll look up and realize that I'm ready to build something new and bold and delightful. A blend of old and new that soars into the sky.
But until then I'm shoveling. Waiting for blisters to turn tough, and for soreness to become strength.
I've put on my hard hat.
My life is under construction these days. Well, I guess life is always undergoing some kind of construction or renovation, but we're talking serious foundation rebuilding here.
It's tough work, and even a hard hat would be insufficient protection from all the falling debris. Hell, I don't even have a good building plan. Right now it's mostly clearing rubble and discovering what parts of the old construction are sturdy enough to keep. And also recognizing that some parts are not sturdy at all, but are nonetheless quite lovely and worth keeping if I can apply some careful restoration. I'm just moving forward one day at a time, one step at a time, one shovelful at a time.
At some point, I know I'll look up and realize that I'm ready to build something new and bold and delightful. A blend of old and new that soars into the sky.
But until then I'm shoveling. Waiting for blisters to turn tough, and for soreness to become strength.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The Real Info and About Me I Couldn't Fit In
This past almost 2 years have been a defining time in my life. Though I am almost 40, in the years I have lived, I still didn't have it down. Still didn't know where or what I wanted. Though I feel, act, and look in my mid 20's ( which I'm not only quiet proud of, but relieved by as well), I still have the experiences of a 37 year old. The good, bad and ugly of them.
So you see, when I started to write the ABOUT ME section it made me wonder....what do I put here? I'm still trying to figure out who I am myself. How could I possibly explain to the rest of you who I am. Well, hopefully that is what my blog will be for. I can tell you all what I like to do, eat, pass the time away with. Sure. Which I will get to that. But for you who don't really know me (and there are few actually IN my life who do), this will be a much harder task. For you and me as well. Trying to tell you the things I'm just discovering here myself.....
I promise you this will be an interesting ride. I can't promise we'll be happy, fun, excited all the time. But I can promise you it will not be boring.
Now....A little about me:
I am a 37 year old girl. Yes, I said girl. I still feel very young at heart and alive and vibrant. Not that anyone reaching their 40's is ancient. Hell, I have girlfriends who say their 40's are the best time of their lives. And I personally feel I get better with age. The way I feel, the times I have, and the way I look. All like fine wine...lol. Yet, I'm not as refined and sophisticated as wine. I'm silly, sarcastic and rough around the edges. I have tattoos, purple hair, and piercings. Though I can clean up and dress nicely. I have killer stems in a dress ;)
I love action/adv movies, rock and metal, comic books, anime, and video games. I love to draw, paint, read, write and music. I am a medley of a few different types of girl. No one you'll ever know is quiet like me.
I have always said I am pagan/wiccan. And I hold many of the traditions in my heart and still participate in a great many practices. But I find, especially when I'm asking "what is is all about and what is my purpose?", that I am much more metaphysical in my spirituality and beliefs. I meditate often (much more a recent practice), try to see others from their prospective, and am on a mission to have a deeper relationship with my inner and high conciousnes (yes I know...sounds like hippy shit many of my friends will say). I am on a quest to find out who I am, why I am, and what I can do to improve not only my life, but those around and close to me.
With this "soul searching" has come great pain from the past that I have hidden away. Always saying that there wasn't time for me to feel sorry for myself, it happened, it is in the past and there is nothing I can do to change it....so why feel sorry?? But in this action I not only didn't let myself feel sorry, I just didn't deal with it. So I am now facing those demons. It might not be pretty here from time to time. Just sayin'....lol.
If you know me...this should be interesting....hell..if you don't know me it should be a hell of a trip as well.....Put your trays up, seats in the upright position....and enjoy the ride. I know I am ;)
So you see, when I started to write the ABOUT ME section it made me wonder....what do I put here? I'm still trying to figure out who I am myself. How could I possibly explain to the rest of you who I am. Well, hopefully that is what my blog will be for. I can tell you all what I like to do, eat, pass the time away with. Sure. Which I will get to that. But for you who don't really know me (and there are few actually IN my life who do), this will be a much harder task. For you and me as well. Trying to tell you the things I'm just discovering here myself.....
I promise you this will be an interesting ride. I can't promise we'll be happy, fun, excited all the time. But I can promise you it will not be boring.
Now....A little about me:
I am a 37 year old girl. Yes, I said girl. I still feel very young at heart and alive and vibrant. Not that anyone reaching their 40's is ancient. Hell, I have girlfriends who say their 40's are the best time of their lives. And I personally feel I get better with age. The way I feel, the times I have, and the way I look. All like fine wine...lol. Yet, I'm not as refined and sophisticated as wine. I'm silly, sarcastic and rough around the edges. I have tattoos, purple hair, and piercings. Though I can clean up and dress nicely. I have killer stems in a dress ;)
I love action/adv movies, rock and metal, comic books, anime, and video games. I love to draw, paint, read, write and music. I am a medley of a few different types of girl. No one you'll ever know is quiet like me.
I have always said I am pagan/wiccan. And I hold many of the traditions in my heart and still participate in a great many practices. But I find, especially when I'm asking "what is is all about and what is my purpose?", that I am much more metaphysical in my spirituality and beliefs. I meditate often (much more a recent practice), try to see others from their prospective, and am on a mission to have a deeper relationship with my inner and high conciousnes (yes I know...sounds like hippy shit many of my friends will say). I am on a quest to find out who I am, why I am, and what I can do to improve not only my life, but those around and close to me.
With this "soul searching" has come great pain from the past that I have hidden away. Always saying that there wasn't time for me to feel sorry for myself, it happened, it is in the past and there is nothing I can do to change it....so why feel sorry?? But in this action I not only didn't let myself feel sorry, I just didn't deal with it. So I am now facing those demons. It might not be pretty here from time to time. Just sayin'....lol.
If you know me...this should be interesting....hell..if you don't know me it should be a hell of a trip as well.....Put your trays up, seats in the upright position....and enjoy the ride. I know I am ;)
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